Haters gonna hate

Much to my dismay I’ve found someone in the running for my second least favorite person on the internet. It’s another author/blogger/social media presence whose publicly-shared beliefs are in direct opposition to my own. To minimize the length of this post I won’t go into too much detail on this person today, but instead I’ll outline an encounter I had with one of her followers. Unfortunately this author attracts men who don’t have much of an opinion of women. At least not ones who refuse to conform to their own personal standards of how our gender should behave. I think you’ll see what I mean shortly.

I’m going to share, word for word, a comment that one particular man made a few days ago. I can’t remember all of the context that lead up to it, but it had something to do with women having minds of their own. The horror! This guy objected to my questions and decided to go with a personal attack rather than attempting to use his brain and engage in an actual conversation. That’s when you know someone can’t back up their statements. I’ve been called all sorts of names in online discussions, but this dude found my blog, read it for a substantial amount of time, and then crafted a Facebook comment in an attempt to shame me for my views.

I’ll address each of his allegations individually:

  • 40 something feminist (divorced) –> True! I happily embrace all of those labels.
  • Typical post-wall ‘Strong independent woman’ –> Partially true. I had to look this one up, but “post-wall” means past my fertility window. Since I’m not actively trying to get pregnant I have no way to verify this one. As for “strong independent woman,” hell yes this is true! Putting this phrase in quotes is meant to make it demeaning, but I am the living embodiment of all three of those words.
  • Free tax dollar funded college degree –> False! While I did go to college on someone else’s dime, I earned my tuition from the Bright Futures Scholarship, which is funded by the Florida Lottery. Not tax dollars. And how is paying nothing to earn an engineering degree from a highly respected state university in any way shameful?
  • Attacks other women that don’t agree with her twisted views –> False! I simply write blog posts responding to online content that I object to. Isn’t that what everyone on the interwebz is doing in one way or another? My “twisted” views, as this dude calls them, aren’t any less valid because he doesn’t agree with them.
  • Regularly see’s [sic] a neurologist for “brain” problems –> True! It’s no secret that I have I have health issues, and a neurologist does in fact treat brain conditions. Moving on.
  • Pushes ‘equality’ –> True! But with another bizarre use of quotations (the third so far). As if equality is a bad thing. Someone once told me that if you’re used to privilege, equality feels like oppression. To any men who feel “oppressed” because women are being given equal rights and opportunities, get used to it. We aren’t going away.
  • Gloats about her female privilege on her hate blog –> Maybe? I’m not sure what “female privilege” is, exactly, since women have so many well-documented disadvantages in this world, but there is a possibility that while writing about my life I have unwittingly described some benefit of being female. However, I do object to the “hate” descriptor being applied to my blog.
  • Has self esteem issues / emotional train wreck –> Partially true. Everyone is a mess sometimes and I have written about some of my lowest instances openly and honestly. It helped me work through the trauma of those deep valleys, and hopefully it also helped someone who is going through a period like that of their own.
  • Takes a cocktail of SSRI drugs –> False! One SSRI does not a “cocktail” make, but thanks for playing. I’m pretty sure Lexapro saved my life when I hit my emotional rock bottom a couple of years ago. I felt utterly helpless not knowing the extent of my health issues. I was crying on my couch while texting my best friend, and that’s when I knew I needed medical help. I would shout it from the rooftops that I take Lexapro if it would help normalize mental health issues.
  • Does “retail therapy” for depression –> True! As long I spend responsibly I’m not ashamed of this coping mechanism.
  • Can’t sleep –> Partially true. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping due to my Periodic Limb Movement Disorder (PLMD), and other times I sleep 20+ hours at a time due to unexplained fatigue. Again, how is this something I would ever be ashamed of?
  • Totally loyal and obedient to her Pharmaceutical Industrial Complex masters, but can’t obey a man –> This one is really reaching and I don’t have the energy to unpack all of its baggage. As far as “can’t obey a man” goes, my former marriage obviously can’t be explained in a few sentences, but I’ll try. My ex-husband wanted me to do everything his way and never complain. I tried. I really did. I wanted my marriage to work so I poured every ounce of myself into making him happy. But it was never enough. He was always dissatisfied. Eventually I realized that I didn’t have to live that way and I divorced him. And out of all of the things in this insipid list, the one that I am least ashamed of is my divorce. Women don’t exist purely to satisfy the whims of men, and no one should be forced to stay with a person who believes that.

So if by some chance this dude manages to find his way back to my blog to do some more “research,” at least he’ll know exactly what I think of him. Nothing.

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