November ended on a low note with the death of my friend Tiki. Due to my grief, I never got around to writing a couple of webpage posts that I had planned for the beginning of December. In one of those I wanted to share this silly exchange I had with my co-worker Dave on November 28th, shortly before I learned that my friend had died. I’ve stated on many occasions how much I love my colleagues, and this is just the latest in a long line of examples of how much fun we have together. They keep me sane when work gets too busy or stressful. You might think that engineers spend eight very uninteresting hours at their jobs Monday through Friday, which sometimes does happen, but just about every day my co-workers make me laugh with some crazy situation or observation. (Like today when my boss blamed me on the fact that our group has to give up our cubicles and move to another area soon. Apparently when I unpacked my office belongings this time, unlike the last several moves, I inevitably doomed us to another relocation.) It makes the daily grind a little more bearable, and for that I am very thankful.
11/28/17 @ 8:38 AM
L: I tried to type “buffer management.” Instead I wrote “butter management.” I guess it’s time for breakfast?
D: When eating toast, butter management is very important. If we have improper butter management it’s definitely a high priority issue.
L: There’s nothing funny about improperly managed butter.
D: It could get messy really quickly.
L: Or that rock hard butter you get at restaurants sometimes. That poor bread.
D: Mauled senselessly by that frozen butter.
L: We should write a PSA. Everyone should know about the tragedies caused by improperly managed butter.
D: Whimsy level = epic.
2018 has been teaching me a humbling lesson. We’re nearly two weeks in and I’m still not healthy. I’ve only been able to work two days so far (one of those being my birthday, but more on that in another post), and those were tough. I’ve only exercised once (I went to a boot camp class on my birthday) and that turned out to be a terrible idea because I experienced a relapse of my lingering illness the next morning. I’ve barely gone out my front door since New Year’s, and I haven’t had enough energy to do much of anything around the house either, so I’m slowly losing my mind. Suffice to say, things aren’t going well for me at the moment. If I think about everyone who’s out there living their lives to the fullest right now it makes me angry, jealous, and sad. And then there’s Facebook and Instagram showing me multitudes of pictures of smiling faces and all of their exciting experiences. It’s gut-wrenching for me. Especially seeing photos from my friends who successfully completed the Dopey Challenge last week. That was supposed to be me. I planned for it, I worked for it, and I deserved to cross the finish line with everyone else. But I’m starting to realize that I can’t live in the past anymore. I can’t compare my journey with anyone else’s. My best-laid plans didn’t come to fruition this time and I have to accept that. This wasn’t a failure, but an unavoidable obstacle that I had to navigate. The only thing I can do now is move forward. It certainly won’t be easy, but I think that once I’m healthy (whenever that is) and back to my normal routine that I can start preparing for the rest of the year. I cannot wait for that to happen.
Right now I’m sitting in a hotel room in Carlsbad. Back in October I registered for the Carlsbad Half Marathon without considering that a flu virus could knock me down so hard that I wouldn’t be in any shape to run 13.1 miles on January 14th. So last week I called the race company to ask whether it would be possible for me to switch to the 5K instead due to my extremely poor health. Luckily that wasn’t a problem at all. So tomorrow morning I’ll be attempting to complete a measly 3.1 miles and finally, finally start my 2018 running journey. Hopefully that journey will culminate in training for neat year’s Dopey Challenge (January 10-13, 2019), but I have a long road to navigate before I get there. This first step is infuriatingly small, but I have to start somewhere. I wish I wasn’t so incredibly out of shape, but there’s really no other possible outcome after three weeks of near inactivity. These next few weeks are going to be painful. So many miles, so many races, and so many more obstacles waiting for me, I’m sure. Let’s hope I’m up for it.
My progression through the stages of grief has been uneven, and also potentially nonlinear. I didn’t spend a lot of time in denial (first stage), but I think I more than made up for it with the intensity of my anger (second stage). Knowing myself, I’m probably going to be incensed about this unfortunate turn of events until I get my next shot at the Dopey Challenge, hopefully next January. But as of today I find myself buried in the fourth stage of grief – depression. I seemed to have skipped bargaining (third stage), but I’ll get back to that later. Even though the last time I updated my webpage I said I was going to try to go back to work, that actually hasn’t happened yet. On Wednesday night I made all of the necessary preparations to go to work, but then I woke up on Thursday morning with a severe sore throat and painful congestion. It was so agonizing that I reached for the prescription ibuprofen that I got from the urgent care doctor on New Year’s Day. The lymph node of the left side of my throat was swollen too so my body was obviously still fighting off some sort of virus. After a couple of days of these new and terrible developments I considered another visit to urgent care, but since I didn’t have a fever or other worrying symptoms I figured it wouldn’t be helpful. I already know that I had the flu and my body is more than likely just struggling to fight off the remaining strains. Luckily I felt marginally better when I woke up this morning so I think I’m finally on the road to recovery. I still slept all afternoon on my couch, though. I’m certainly not 100% well yet.
The Walt Disney World Marathon is taking place tomorrow morning and there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to be there running with all of the other participants, including several friends. I haven’t run since December 26th and I know that I’ll basically be starting from square one with my fitness once I’m able to lace up my sneakers again. I’m not looking forward to that one bit. But in the depths of my despair today I’ll admit that I did a little research to see if I could determine when the Disney World marathon weekend will be held in 2019 so that can make some preliminary plans for that trip. Maybe this is the bargaining stage of grief intermingling with the depression? Actually, since bargaining is supposed to come before depression, maybe it’s more like acceptance (fifth and last stage), which would mean that I’m on the road to emotional recovery as well as physical. One can only hope. My body has been an absolute wreck since before Christmas, and I’ve been in a foul mood since I cancelled my Orlando vacation on Monday. So my favorite holiday was less than perfect, and the entirety of 2018 so far has been a disaster. Fantastic. In order to avoid making this year any worse than it already is I’ve been successfully maintaining my social media blackout for the past four days. I’ve spent the last week sick at home, staring at one screen or another almost the whole time, but actively avoiding the websites I most frequently visit. I’ve still been using Facebook Messenger on my phone to keep in touch with a few friends, and I sometimes check Twitter out of sheer boredom, but Facebook and Instagram are strictly off-limits for the time being. And it’s been refreshing. I definitely need to limit social media in my daily internet diet going forward. Maybe I’ll even make it one of my 2018 resolutions. But that will have to wait until I feel better, which will hopefully be very soon.
As of this morning I found myself solidly entrenched in the second stage of grief – anger. I thought I was upset yesterday due to the cancellation of the vacation I’ve been planning for a year, but it turns out that was just the tip of the iceberg. I spent most of today completely enraged. Not only am I mad that this stupid flu caused me to miss the Dopey Challenge and my birthday vacation at Disney World, but I woke up to texts from my dad that it was snowing in Tallahassee. A once in a lifetime experience in North Florida. I feel like am missing EVERYTHING this week. I’ve been sick at home for the last five days and it feels like the world is rubbing salt in my open wound. What else can I be jealous/resentful/bitter about? Like people who are successfully working on their New Year’s fitness resolutions while I don’t have enough energy to leave my house for more than an hour at a time. And folks thriving on their new healthy diets while I’m eating leftover pizza because nothing else is palatable right now. I’ve reached my limit. So before even getting out of bed this morning I instituted a social media blackout until at least Monday. Maybe longer. There’s no use letting myself get even more bothered by my friends’ pictures from Disney World or playing in the snow in Tallahassee. I can’t be with them enjoying those experiences and there’s no use being reminded of that fact every time I’m online. The only option that isn’t detrimental to my already bruised mental state is logging off and focusing on myself for a while. Hopefully it won’t be too long before I’m healthy enough to resume my normal routine. I look forward to that. I’ll probably go back to work tomorrow so that will keep me from despondently moping around the house all day. Life is pretty gloomy right now, but I know it will get better. It just can’t happen soon enough for me.
Today was marginally better than yesterday. (Let’s ignore the fact that I was supposed to be on a plan to Orlando this morning. If I dwell on that too long I’ll get really annoyed.) First of all, I successfully picked up the Tamiflu at Walgreens this morning. The downside? Apparently my prescription drug insurance doesn’t have a contract with Walgreens so the medication cost me over $100. And that was for the generic version! Ridiculous. The only reason I had to fill the prescription there is because no CVS in the area has Tamiflu in stock. Apparently it’s been a rough flu season already. So I reluctant paid the exorbitant price because Walgreens had somehow cornered the market on flu drugs and my insurance is woefully inadequate. Also, I was feeling very light headed standing at the pharmacy counter so simply giving them my credit card was the fastest way for me to get back to my car where I could sit down. So not only did I lose a lot of money cancelling my Disney World vacation due to this stupid illness, but it also cost me an arm and a leg for drugs to combat it! Even though I’m recovering, this whole situation seems to be getting worse every day.
On a positive note, I managed to gather enough energy to go to the grocery store tonight. My refrigerator was relatively bare because I was planning to be on vacation starting today, and I’ve been too sick to go anywhere before now, so I’ve been living off Domino’s pizza delivery for the last two days. Not that I’ve had much of an appetite, but I’m still sick of eating food with no nutritional value. So this evening I filled up my shopping cart with mostly fresh fruits and vegetables. The produce department of the grocery store was pretty picked over, probably from all of the folks who are trying to fulfill their New Year’s resolution to eat healthier. I had to really search for a bag of broccoli florets (my preferred green vegetable for weekday lunches), and I couldn’t find the steam-in-bag green beans that I was looking for (so that I’ll have some much-needed green vegetable variety). Otherwise I had a very successful shopping trip. Even though I’m planning to stay home from work again tomorrow, I’m going to try and do a little cooking and food prep. I might only be able to scramble some eggs for breakfast and chop up some vegetables for future salads, but that will be a major improvement over most everything I’ve eaten since I got back from Florida last week. In order to establish more permanent healthy eating habits (and, let’s face it, lose some weight too) I want to adopt a new meal plan as soon as I am completely over this flu. I’ll detail that in a future post. But for now I’m going to continue focusing on healing. I can’t wait to feel like myself again.
Happy New Year! First of all, I have a lot of explaining to do regarding why I didn’t blog at all during the month of December, but that will have to wait for another day. There are a multitude of reasons/excuses that I didn’t write a single word since the end of November. In the simplest sense, life has been complicated, which made the end of 2017 less than satisfactory. But now 2018 is here, and with a new year comes a chance for a fresh start. And how did this one begin? With the flu. I could regale you with the entire sequence of New Year’s Eve events that led to my really awful January 1st, but that is not my intended goal for this post. In short, I had what I thought was a bad head cold which quickly morphed into the flu yesterday afternoon. It was miserable. What I want to share on the first day of 2018 is the aftermath of this very untimely illness. By the time I was attempting to go to sleep last night (long before midnight as I was too sick to care about ringing in the new year with any fanfare) I realized that my trip to Orlando on January 2nd was in serious jeopardy. Then when I woke up this morning, after a very fitful and feverish night, I put on some clean clothes (i.e., not the pajamas I had been wearing for over 24 hours) and drove to urgent care to consult with a doctor. I didn’t think had a fever anymore, probably thanks to the Aleve I took at 4 AM to combat a wicked headache, but I still felt horrible. When I arrived at urgent care at 8 AM to discover that it was closed I nearly cried. No where on their website or on their voicemail message did they indicate that the office was closed for the holidays. Don’t they think that’s information that should be readily available for desperate patients such as myself? I was extremely frustrated and I figured I wasn’t going to be able to see a medical professional at all today. Instead I headed to CVS to buy a thermometer because I thought I might still have a fever. In spite of it being 50 deg outside I was sweating like crazy. To my surprise, the pharmacist told me that their Minute Clinic was going to be open at 10 AM so I would be able to see a doctor today after all. About two hours later I walked out of the Minute Clinic with a prescription for Tamiflu. Then came my attempts to fill it. Once again, I’ll refrain from going into extreme detail, but the bottom line is that I drove to three different pharmacies and was unable to get my prescribed medication at any of them. I will have to try again tomorrow. So that brings us to the worst part of January 1st. While standing in line at the third pharmacy I felt so weak that I thought I was going to pass out. That’s when I realized that there was no way I was going to be able to participate in the Dopey Challenge at Walt Disney World this weekend. When I got home and wearily crawled back into bed I made all of the necessary phone calls and mouse clicks (no pun intended, Mickey) to cancel my trip. This was the very outcome I was trying to avoid, but I knew that even if my health improves significantly over the next few days that I still wouldn’t be in any shape to run 48.6 miles between Thursday and Sunday. Heck, I can barely run a marathon on my best days! It would be an understatement to say that I’m disappointed that I won’t be on a plane to Orlando in the morning, but I know staying home was the right choice. I worked so hard to prepare for the race challenge so admitting that I was defeated by a simple virus is making me crazy. I guarantee that over the next week I will feel many moments of anger, sadness, and generally regret. I am going to second guess my decision a million times. It’s going to be awful. Even so, I had to put my health first. As I was reminded by one of my running buddies, there will be other races. It’s hard to see that right now, but she is absolutely right. Not everything in life is going to work out according to plan and you have to figure out how to make the best of unfortunate circumstances. If possible I will attempt the Dopey Challenge next year, but for now I am going to focus on healing and recuperating. I will live to run another day!
Tomorrow is December 1st. I can’t believe the final month of the year is already here. Why does time seem to accelerate starting in October? It’s infuriating. But my love of the holiday season is all the more reason to try to slow down and enjoy every moment of it while it lasts. Tomorrow night is the Seal Beach Christmas parade and I’m planning to watch with some friends. Luckily I only have to walk one block from my house to the parade route on Main Street so it’s one of my most convenient holiday traditions. While there are folks in the community who think that the parade is being held too early this year (they always find something silly to complain about), I think it’s the perfect way to kick off December. My weekend is going to be filled with Christmas activities and other such entertainment so it might as well start with a parade! Last weekend I put up my Christmas tree, after Thanksgiving of course, but it doesn’t have any ornaments on it yet. I’ll try to squeeze some tree trimming into my unusually busy schedule over the next few days. Tonight I was able to get a dozen Christmas cards ready to mail. Like last year I have a list of recipients a mile long so I’d like to get them done quickly otherwise I’ll be scrambling to get them sent before I leave for Florida on the 22nd. As I was getting the first cards ready to go today I realized that I only have Star Trek stamps in the house. Couple that with the fact that some of my Christmas cards are Star Wars themed and I’m worried that I’ll get arrested by the nerd police for mixing franchises! I’ll have to swing by the post office and get some holiday stamps tomorrow so that I can mail a couple more batches of cards over the weekend.
And thus ends NaBloPoMo 2017. I think I was fairly successful this year except for that one night where WordPress didn’t cooperate. If I can manage it I’ll try to keep posting every day for the rest of the year. This is always a tall order as the demands on my time increase during the holiday season, but I feel like writing about all of my celebrations makes them even more enjoyable. Happy December, everyone!
How do you follow a post like the last one? I’m still in shock over the loss of my friend and I hardly know what to think. My first idea was to share a funny story from work yesterday, but I jotted it down on a sheet of paper and then forgot to bring the write-up home with me, so that lighthearted interaction will have to wait until tomorrow. It will have the honor of closing out NaBloPoMo. Until then I’ll share something else that’s upbeat. Especially since I need to finish my Disney race recaps before they completely disappear from my mind.
The Thor 10K took place at Disneyland on November 11th. The theme of the Avengers 10K changed each year depending on which Marvel movie has most recently been released or is up next in theaters. In 2015 when the 10K was born it was the Captain America 10K (the race was held between “Avengers: Age of Ultron” and “Captain America: Civil War.”), and then in 2016 it was the Doctor Strange 10K (“Doctor Strange” was released about a week before the race). This year we got the Thor 10K due to its proximity to “Thor: Ragnarok.” (I actually went to see it in the theater on opening day when I was in Orlando and I really enjoyed it. More humor than your average Marvel film. I’m already looking forward to the 2018 releases.) I do like the rotating theme because it gives us some variety on our race shirts. I woke up at 3 AM the morning of the race, quickly got dressed, and walked from my hotel to the start line. Our course I selected my Thor running shirt for the occasion, and I paired it with a red skirt. It was another opportunity for me to run without having to apply sunscreen since the race started at 5 AM. Perfect! I didn’t break any speed records during the 10K, but I was happy with my pace and I thoroughly enjoyed the 6.2 miles through the Disneyland and California Adventure parks. At the finish line I quickly grabbed by medal and started walking back to my hotel to avoid the rapidly rising sun! I originally intended to have breakfast at LaBrea Bakery at Downtown Disney after a quick shower, but instead I stumbled into the much more conveniently located breakfast buffet at my hotel. Fortunately the food was delicious, especially the exceptionally crispy bacon. I ate more than my fair share. After that I took a lovely nap. Later in the afternoon I walked over to the resort area because I had a dinner reservation that evening. I spent some time in Disneyland taking in the first days of the Christmas decorations before heading over to California Adventure for dinner at Wine Country Trattoria. I had some lasagna in preparation for the Avengers half marathon the next morning. On my way back to my hotel I bought some cupcakes from Sprinkles at Downtown Disney. Their seasonal pumpkin cupcake is one of the best bits of baked goods that I’ve ever tasted. It was the perfect dessert. I was exhausted that night so I actually went to bed at 8 PM, hoping to be well rested when my alarm went off super early the next morning, only to be woken up at 9:30 PM by the nightly Disneyland fireworks. That was annoying, but I still managed to get a good amount of sleep before getting up to run 13.1 miles the next morning.
Be on the lookout for the final installment of my 2017 runDisney adventures sometime next week.
“It all started back in early 2006 when Dan and I had just gotten engaged. In the beginning stages of planning our nuptials I discovered a Craigslist forum devoted to weddings. It was full of brides-to-be who were all getting married around the same time I was. A few of us from that group created a smaller forum where we discussed our dresses, rings, flowers, cakes, etc. We helped each other plan our big days. And then after the weddings were over we posted photos to show the group how everything turned out. In short, we bonded over this rite of passage. A few years later this group of ladies reconvened in a private Facebook group where we could share the joys and struggles of our lives after saying ‘I do.’ For one reason or another not all of the brides made it down the aisle with their intended grooms, and others hadn’t stayed in their original marriages (like me). As a group we celebrated the births of children, supported each other through painful divorces, and everything in between. We asked for and gave advice on fashion choices, career paths, medical problems, family conflicts, weight loss, and anything else you could possibly think of. Although most of us had never met in person since we live all over the country (and some abroad) we had still formed a really close relationship through our virtual interactions.”
9/12/15 webpage post
All of a sudden I have something to write about, but I am having a hard time figuring out what to say. More than two years ago I shared the above story of how I met about 100 very special women. We’ve seen each other through everything you could possibly imagine, both good and bad, and I interact with them on Facebook to some extent every day. We share absolutely everything. Last week I asked for advice on a credit card company issue. Before that I posted looking for recommendations for seamless underwear to wear running. Even with just those two recent examples it should be obvious that they have helped me with all sorts of crazy things over the years, and I appreciate them more than I can say. So when I logged on this morning and learned that we lost a cherished member of our sisterhood I was devastated. She was a beautiful, vibrant, and unfailingly kind and giving woman who lost her battle with cancer. To say that her death is unfair is a monstrous understatement. I am so shaken that I don’t even know what to think. Processing a death is always difficult, but in this case I am even more conflicted because I never got a chance to really meet this sweet woman. I have been extremely fortunate to have met about a dozen of my beloved online friends in person over the years, but a majority of them I only know through social media. It doesn’t change how much I love them all, but tragedies like this make me wish I could physically hug each and every one of these amazing ladies. I know that technology has its drawbacks, but today my little group came together online to share our grief and celebrate the angel that we lost. So tonight as we mourn the loss of our darling Tiki hold your loved ones tight and count your blessings, both big and small. We love you, Tiki, and we miss you terribly.
I have four days left of my NaBloPoMo challenge and I’m running out of steam. It doesn’t help that today was the first day back at work after Thanksgiving and it was a long one. And it was a Monday so that meant a lot of meetings and very little productivity. I had to stay late to actually accomplish anything before I left. The only reason I have more than 5 minutes to sit down and write anything today is because my gym is still closed for the holiday, otherwise I’d have spent one of my few free hours there rather than at home. As it is I skipped exercise altogether. At the moment I’m curled up under a blanket on my couch trying to stay awake and put enough coherent sentences together to feel like they are worthy of being published as my daily post. But so far there is very little substance and I don’t know where to turn for inspiration. My brain just isn’t working any more and I can’t wait to take a shower and go to sleep. I’ve actually been looking forward to watching an episode of the second season of “Stranger Things” all day, but I am certain I couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough to watch more than a few minutes. So I’m going to end this pathetic little paragraph and get ready for bed as quickly as I can. Hopefully I’ll have the time and energy to write something better tomorrow!