Only the beginning

“My personal conversation with my body hasn’t yet progressed far enough to the point that I love what I have. It’s a process, I know, but frankly, I want to spend as little time as possible thinking about my arms and legs and the way the fat on my back folds when I’m not paying attention at the beach. I just want apathy – to feel nothing about my body at all, to be merely grateful that it functions as I require, that I put clothes on it (when forced), and food in it when necessary (surprisingly often!). Love, like hate, requires too much active effort for something I don’t even want to deal with.”
-Scaachi Koul

It’s no secret that I have less than loving feelings for my body. In fact, I’m undoubtedly its worst critic. I am rarely happy with how I look, much to the detriment of my self-esteem. This is something that I am working on. (Yesterday morning I gave myself compliments as I was putting on my makeup.) Specifically, I wrote about focusing on my successes rather than my failures not too long ago, but it’s (unsurprisingly) an uphill battle. I keep trying to remind myself of the progresses I’m making at the gym and with my running, but I still have a long way to go when it comes to obsessing about my weight and the size of my clothes. Fortunately, taking a break from the 6-week fat loss challenge that ended last month was very beneficial. I kept exercising as much as I had been before, but I worried less about strictly following the diet plan and posting pictures of every single meal and snack for the trainers to comment on. This greatly reduced my anxiety and allowed me to focus more on my overall health. The Monday after the fat loss challenge ended I weighed in at the gym and I had only lost 4 lbs, but I had also lost inches on just about every measurement. That was encouraging. Not that I kept the progress going since then, in fact I’ve regressed a bit, but it’s good to know that if I can find the energy to work hard enough I can eventually get where I’m going. It just might be a long road with a number of obstacles along the way.

Unfortunately my life, and the world in general (more on that soon), has been a bit rough these days so very few things seem positive. But I know that at some point I will find my equilibrium. My first priority is to get my physical health under control. Speaking of which, I have another sleep study scheduled for this coming Friday to determine whether or not I have narcolepsy. The Klonopin prescription that my neurologist gave me a few weeks ago doesn’t seem to be making much difference so we’re taking the investigation to the next level. My first sleep study was no picnic, but I can endure another one if it means that I might get additional answers into what’s going on with my crazy brain. It’s so hard to take care of your body the way you should when it’s causing you so much trouble. However, I am doing a few things in the realm of self-care to keep my spirits up while things are not all sunshine and roses. I have added an extra day at boot camp every week (which means I am sore almost all the time), and I’ve started running more (which my feet and legs are having to acclimate to again). In fact, my workout buddy and I have started running from her house to the gym (~1.75 miles), completing a boot camp class, and then running back. It can be grueling, but I know it’s extremely beneficial across the board. Then when I get home I’ve been pampering myself with some probably unnecessary, but refreshingly indulgent beauty products. I bought some Kiehl’s shower scrub at the airport on my trip to Portland last month, I got a bottle of way too expensive Crabtree & Evelyn body lotion with some leftover Amazon credit, and I’ve been applying Vitamin C serum to my face every morning. These things might not make any real difference in the health of my skin, but the routine of nourishing my body is soothing when it feels like so many other areas of my life are in chaos. But I know it won’t always be like this which helps me get through the hardest days. I’ll get to where I need to be. I just don’t know when!

Boeing (Not) on the Move

Remember the other day when I wrote that life is too short for nonessentials? Well, recently something has fallen off my priority list that I usually look forward every year – Boeing on the Move. In the past I’ve used this fitness challenge to increase my daily activity, get more chores done around the house, and compete with my co-workers for the highest number of steps. It has always energized me, but this year I decided it wasn’t worth the effort for a number of reasons. First of all, the online interface now has a completely new platform which is not user friendly. In fact, it was so complicated that I could barely figure out how to register for 2018 challenge. Then I discovered that we weren’t going to be mailed our annual free pedometer to track our steps. Not that I’ve ever been a huge fan of those cheap little plastic things, but they were strictly mechanical and I was allowed to wear one in the classified area where I work. The thing that annoys me the most about Boeing on the Move this year is that there is an assumption that all of the participants can use their smart phone, smart watch, or Fitbit to track their daily activity. Unfortunately I can’t because all of those items are forbidden in classified areas. It’s practically a miracle that my 2017 pedometer is still in my possession (I tend to lose them) and still functional, but with all of the other new restrictions on the challenge I am just not motivated to go through the annoyance of wearing it again this year. Anything that requires extra effort just feels like too much trouble right now. Life is stressful enough without worrying about something silly like Boeing on the Move. Granted, earning points towards gift cards is really tempting, but I am putting my mental health above monetary rewards this time around. (Instead I’ve been finding several ways to save money every month. Explanatory post to follow!) Maybe next year I’ll feel differently. Plus, I’ve already gotten back into some semblance of a regular exercise routine with boot camp classes and occasional running (needs to be more than just occasional running, but that’s another story) without an official fitness challenge. This means I’m already halfway to reaping all of the benefits of Boeing on the Move. Now if I can increase my activity while I’m at work and once I get home in the evenings I will be fulfilling basically all of my personal goals for Boeing on the Move. And my chores will all get done in a timely manner too. A priceless reward! I’ll let you know how it goes!

Business travel again (Part 1)

Written on 4/14 in the Denver airport while waiting for my flight to DC. I never feel comfortable using my laptop on a plane anymore given how cramped all of the seats are so I spent most of my layover in Denver writing. I have a silly follow-up story that I will post later this week.

I’m headed to DC again this morning. Currently I’m sitting in the Denver airport waiting for my connecting flight. And in similar fashion to all of my other recent travel, it’s delayed. Why am I not surprised? When going to DC I always like to arrive as early in the day as possible, but having to stop in Denver this time makes that a bit difficult. Luckily all I really need to do when I arrive this evening is go to the grocery store. There’s no way I can maintain my clean-ish eating plan without some fresh produce and healthy snacks. Temptation is always present! This time it will be in the form of Firehouse Subs and Potbelly Sandwiches. (Maybe they make salads? I’ll have to check.) Luckily I did find at least two restaurants that are salad-focused so I won’t have to eat pre-packaged ones every day. If I can stick to my diet this week I’m going to be very pleased with myself. And a little shocked! Similarly, I’d also like to hit the gym tonight, but that’s debatable given that my flight won’t arrive until about 5 PM. I’m missing my usual classes at the gym this week, which annoys me, but I’m going to try to keep up with the workouts on my own. My running buddy will send me the exercises from the classes she attends and I’ll do my best to replicate them in my hotel fitness center. I picked this hotel because they seem to have a nice, large workout space, unlike so many other places that only have a couple of cardio machines, and sometimes only one of each kind which can be problematic. I’ll definitely need some weights to do the boot camp routines. I really should run on the treadmill a couple of times as well, but that’s unlikely given my hatred of that infernal machine. I even brought both my running shoes and gym shows with me this time in case I feel motivated to mix things up. There wasn’t a single bit of extra space in my suitcase when I finished packing, but it’ll be worth it if my fitness routine doesn’t deteriorate while I’m away from home.

Regarding my flight back to LA on Friday, I was fortunate/smart enough to book a nonstop flight to LAX to hopefully avoid the drama of my last trip. Like last time, I have an event that I don’t want to miss shortly after I get home. I’m going to the Dodger game with some co-workers on Friday night so I absolutely, positively have to meet them at 4 PM to carpool to downtown LA. I hate making that drive myself, especially in rush hour traffic. My flight home is supposed to land at about 11:30 AM so that should give me more than enough time to stop by my house, change into baseball game appropriate apparel, and still make the required rendezvous. It’s Hello Kitty night at the Dodger game so there’s no way I’m going to miss it. We get t-shirts! Also, we’re sitting in the coveted all-you-can-eat section of the stadium. Usually that’s a great deal because you can get as many hot dogs, nachos, popcorn, drinks, etc. that you want, but it’s not so great for those of us on a diet that prohibits almost everything that tastes delicious! If I can successfully avoid sugar and grains while I’m on business travel I think I’ll allow myself to eat one or two hot dogs (necessary carbs for weekend running) at the game. And I’ll wash it down with unlimited diet soda! Not the healthiest choice I could make, but not the worst under the circumstances either. I do have a race on Saturday morning as well so that’s another reason to get home on schedule. Funny enough, it’s the Angels 5K at Anaheim Stadium. My running group is will all be there. It’s funny that I’ll be visiting both LA baseball stadiums in less than 24 hours!

Stay tuned for part 2!

Retail therapy #6

Item: Brooks Boston Marathon Launch 5
Purchased: March 25, 2018

Who wouldn’t want running shoes with lobsters on them? I’m not from Boston, I don’t ever expect to run the Boston Marathon, and I don’t even eat seafood, but I still love them! But even with their whimsical nature, these shoes might be a bit too practical to fall into the retail therapy category. However, I’m still calling them a frivolous purchase since I didn’t really need them. I saw these shoes for the first time on Facebook and thought they were absolutely adorable, but they didn’t seem like a reasonable investment. The Brooks Launch style don’t have enough support for me to use them for running (I prefer Brooks Adrenaline), and I wasn’t in need of athletic shoes for anything else. But after several days of seeing them all over social media I bought a pair anyway because I decided I couldn’t live without them. They are just so fantastic! I figured I could wear them to the gym so they wouldn’t be a completely silly acquisition. Fortunately they have worked out great in that capacity. I’ve been going to boot camp classes with my running buddy consistently for about six weeks now and I feel great. In addition, lacing up these fun shoes three times a week makes getting ready to go to the gym even more fun. It’s amazing what a little exercise can do!

Retail therapy #5

Item: INKnBURN Denim Capris
Purchased: January 26, 2018

I think it’s fair to say that I’m obsessed with workout clothes. A long time ago I used to exercise in old t-shirts and shorts, but now I have a huge wardrobe of specialized gear. At some point in the last few years my running/gym items have taken over not only the largest drawer in my dresser, but also three full boxes under my bed. I only realized the extent of my collection just now as I was tallying that amount up in my head. I’ll admit that it’s beyond ridiculous. But even the reality that I’m rapidly running out of room for all of my fitness apparel doesn’t mean I stop shopping for more. Even when I wasn’t exercising much in January I was still browsing for workout clothes online. It was basically the epitome of retail therapy – boxes of shirts and pants that, given my situation, were the opposite of practical arrived at my door and that made me happy. Even if I wasn’t wearing them for their intended purpose! Luckily things have started to turn around in that department. For the last five weeks I have been going to boot camp classes with my running buddy three times a week fairly regularly (except the week I was on a whirlwind business trip – more on that in another post) so my new workout clothes have been getting more use. (And my poor muscle have also been getting more use. Ouch!) So far I’ve fooled two of the trainers at the gym on multiple occasions with the INKnBURN denim capris I ordered in January. They are fantastic! Super comfortable, stretchy, and made of fabric that’s designed to look exactly like jeans – back pockets, embellishments, belt loops, button fly, and all. Who says you can’t be stylish while exercising? And they have the added benefit of being respectable enough to wear running errands as well. So the INKnBURN pants were a choice well made. That’s certainly not true of all of my retail therapy purchases, but that’s a story for another day.

P.S. I bought these denim capris in two different sizes – one pair I can wear now, and a smaller pair for when I start meeting my fitness/weight loss goals! Something to look forward to.

Throwing money at a problem

One of my favorite ways to resolve a problem is to throw money at it. Remember last year when my only available option to fix my malfunctioning iPhone 6 before leaving on vacation was buying an iPhone 7? All I really needed was a new battery, but the Apple Store couldn’t do that in an acceptable amount of time. It was ridiculous. So purchasing a brand new phone was indeed a viable solution to my problem, but certainly not the most economical. To be clear, I feel very fortunate that throwing money at a problem is a choice that is available to me. I don’t think of myself as an extravagant person (in spite of all these retail therapy posts I’ve been writing lately) so purchasing a very expensive smart phone was a big deal, even if I wasn’t worried about having enough money in the bank to pay for it. I realize that not everyone has this luxury.

A few weeks ago one of my running buddies confessed that she was feeling overwhelmed and depressed, and that she really needed to start exercising again to regain her work/life balance. After performing practically zero physical activity in 2018 I realized that she was speaking my language, so I told her we would go back to the gym together. A combination of companionship and guilt would motivate us to get moving again! This is the woman who initially got me started at boot camp classes almost two years ago, which was extremely beneficial, but things have gotten complicated since then. Last summer we got Groupons for a 4-week trial at another gym so that we could try out their classes. To make a long story short, I didn’t continue after the four weeks (I went back to my old gym instead), but my friend did. Fast forward to now and I decided to join her gym so that we can work out together even though it wasn’t my favorite. Hence, throwing money at the problem! Yes, this means that I currently have two gym memberships. But it’s been working really well so you can’t argue with results. The price of fitness (with a side of stress-relief and friendship) is high in 2018, but I’m hoping that the pay off will be worth it.

I’ve got no strings

For Christmas I asked for a pair of wireless earbuds for running. I’d been wanting a pair for years to make my running experience more enjoyable, but the technology hadn’t quite evolved enough to meet my expectations. The battery life was too short (only a few hours) and the connectivity issues that I read about were plentiful. In 2017 I made the switch from traditional in-ear running headphones to bone conduction ones instead, specifically Aftershokz Sportz Titanium. They sit in front of your ears and conduct the sound through your cheekbones so that ambient noise isn’t blocked at all. I was skeptical, but after my first wearing I was in love. They allowed me to better hear my running buddies conversations, traffic noise, or whatever, and they didn’t make my ears ache after wearing them for a long time. Marathons are tough on your ears if your earbuds aren’t comfortable! This was a hefty upgrade for me. So when I saw that Aftershockz had a new and improved wireless model, Trekz Air, I put them on my Christmas list. So far they have exceeded all of my expectations. Not only are they wireless, which removes one major annoyance from my running experience, but they are also light and incredibly comfortable. In addition, they have easily accessible volume and music control which my wired pair is lacking. I absolutely love them and I’ve worn them for all of my races in 2018. (The photo above is from the Pasadena 5K last month.) I think this is the beginning of a beautiful fitness relationship. Definitely one of the best Christmas presents I’ve ever received.

Dopey training continues (NaBloPoMo day 26)

When I go to McDonald’s I’m not overly concerned with my appearance. Usually I’m there to grab breakfast after a long run on Saturday or Sunday so I’m sweaty, wearing a weird outfit, and probably not smelling like a rose. Attractive is not the word I’d use to describe the situation. That being said, today I looked even weirder than usual when I ordered my Egg McMuffin. Let me explain. This morning I ran 20 miles, starting at my house and turning around after I hit 10 miles in Long Beach, and I was completely exhausted by the time I got back to Seal Beach. As soon as I stumbled in the door I took off my running shoes to free my feet from their temporary prisons. It felt amazing. But then I realized that if I wanted breakfast I’d have to put on footwear of some kind again. I didn’t have any desire to don my disgusting running shoes again I decided to slip on my cushy runner’s recovery flip-flops instead. They are what my friends and I would call “birth control shoes.” As in, no man will want to sleep with you if he sees you wearing them. Usually we use the term to describe anything your podiatrist would recommend. You know, the shoes that are good for your feet rather than the ones you’d actually prefer to wear? (I seriously haven’t been able to bring myself to buy anything from the brands my podiatrist endorses. He hates my Tieks and Toms, but until I have more serious foot problems you’ll have to pry them off my cold, dead feet.) I bought these cushy flip-flops when I was suffering from mild plantar fasciitis and I needed some shoes to wear around the house that wouldn’t exacerbate the problem. Apparently walking around barefoot can aggravate plantar fasciitis. Much to my surprise they made a huge difference and I rarely feel any foot pain anymore. However, they are so ugly that I I’ve never worn them in public – until today. I was so hungry after running 20 miles that I ventured out to McDonald’s in those bad boys. And it was worth it.

The point of this post is that I’ve done a lot of running over the Thanksgiving holiday as part of my Dopey Challenge training program. Obviously there was the Oceanside Turkey Trot on Thursday where I ran 9.3 miles, but that wasn’t part of the official training plan. That picked up on Friday night when I ran my scheduled 4 miles around Seal Beach. And then the serious miles started over the weekend. Yesterday I ran 10 miles, beginning at 6 AM with my running group leader. We started at her house and ran 5 miles down to the beach where the rest of the Galloway group was meeting to run their planned 3 miles. I managed to squeeze in the last 5 miles in that timeframe and then got a ride back to my car afterwards. All of this was just a prelude to the main event – my 20 mile run this morning. I wasn’t looking forward to it for several reasons. 1) I was going to be running alone which does have some benefits, but is also extremely boring. 2) It’s been warmer than I’d like lately (especially for November) and that always makes long distance running more difficult. 3) My last attempt at 20+ miles was the Long Beach Marathon and it sucked. I did not want a repeat of that experience. Fortunately the stars aligned and today’s run was great! I started out slow enough that I didn’t completely deplete my energy stores before I was done, and I had my Christmas playlist to entertain me for most of the 4 hours and 15 minutes I was out there. It couldn’t have gone any better. That’s very encouraging. I might actually survive the Dopey Challenge in January!

Day 22 – My next challenge

This past January I ran the Walt Disney World Marathon. It was my very first marathon and it was really rough (many thanks to my friend Missy for getting me through it), but I was thrilled when I crossed that finish line. Shortly afterwards I was emboldened by my success and possessed by the notion that I could tackle an even bigger challenge in the future. And I’m not talking about the four marathons in a year that I did in 2017. No, I had something even crazier in mind. So it wasn’t long after the WDW marathon that I registered for the Dopey Challenge in January 2018. This challenge consists of running the Disney World 5K, 10K, half marathon, and full marathon on four consecutive days. Sounds ludicrous, right? Well, it’s absolutely insane, and ten months later I’m not quite sure why I signed up in the first place. But now that January is fast approaching I’m committed to conquering these races. It’s not going to be easy, but I’ll give it everything I have.

This weekend I picked up with the Galloway training plan for the Dopey Challenge. I’m actually one week behind because I didn’t want to run too much the weekend after the Long Beach Marathon, and now I’m making up some of the mileage. This training plan is different from the one for just a marathon because it calls for many weekends of Saturday and Sunday running to build up endurance and prepare you for long distances multiple days in a row. So I ran 7 miles around my neighborhood yesterday morning, and then 17 miles this morning with a couple of my running buddies who were kind enough to get up long before the crack of dawn to accompany me. Due to the unseasonably warm weather this late in the year (it’s going to be over 100 deg at the beach for the next two days) we started our journey at 5 AM to avoid the worst of it. And luckily we succeeded. The above photo was taken mid-run when we stopped to admire the sunrise at 7 AM. It was lovely. I’m very happy to be back on track with my training for the Dopey Challenge. I know it will be incredibly demanding, but that means I’ll be even more proud when I succeed.

P.S. I’m not posting my meals again today because not only did I have two packages of Sports Beans and two 10-oz bottles of Pedialyte while running, I ate whatever sounded good after I got home. I’m almost positive that my carb-fest yesterday is the reason I didn’t feel like I was dying during my long run this morning. Despite eating sweet potatoes and plenty of fruit, I’m afraid the restrictions of Whole30 are just not providing my body enough fuel for my athletic pursuits. However, I am going to do my best to finish this 30-day diet as faithfully as I can. I’ll let you know how it goes!

Final LA Marathon prep

I spend a lot of money on appointments at my sports chiropractor. This basically goes against my New Year’s Resolution #2 to be more frugal, but I think the results are with the expense. My right knee hasn’t been quite right since the Disney World Marathon in January, and it’s been particularly unhappy since the San Diego half marathon on Sunday. (I guess that’s what happens when you earn a new half marathon personal record!) But after seeing the chiropractor this afternoon I am feeling much better. Having your muscles manipulated is a painful process, but it’s amazing how effective the treatments can be. And it’s a good thing too because the LA Marathon is this weekend and I can’t say I’m all that prepared. I didn’t maintain my fitness level for a while after the Disney World Marathon due to illness and injury, and I’ve only completed two runs longer than 13.1 miles in the last two months. My 18 and 20 mile runs went well, but that might not translate into decent performance on a 26.2 mile course (as I learned on January 8th). I’m fairly confident that I can successfully finish the marathon on Sunday, but I’m definitely not as well trained as I was for the first one. Fortunately I’m planning on running with one of usual buddies and we have very modest time and pace goals. Neither of us is in peak condition right now (we both have knee problems) and we have no reason to push ourselves to go any faster. There’s always a possibility that she’ll send me ahead after a while, similar to what’s happened in our long training runs, but we’ll just have to see how it goes. The course isn’t the most runner-friendly and the weather isn’t going to be all that pleasant either. The forecast for Sunday is improving, though, so maybe we’ll be OK. During this last week of marathon prep I’m taking it easy, but still staying active. Tonight I went to a boot camp class at the gym which thankfully consisted of only upper body and core exercises. I definitely couldn’t handle a lot of lower body work right now. I’m going to complete my last few (very short) training runs over the next three days and then rest as much as possible on Saturday. I’m nervous about running the LA Marathon in five days, but I think I’m ready! Well, as ready as I can be.