[Copied from it’s original home at http://lyra23.tripod.com/news/6-19-99.html]

I must say that I had a rough day and I certainly didn’t expect it to be that way. Moving out of my dorm, saying goodbye to the important guy in my life, and driving home shouldn’t be easy things to do, but I didn’t think it would be so rocky. Moving out was OK and it went pretty smoothly. I will miss my little room and my roommates, Brandy and Liesl, very much.

I went over to Stuart’s apartment around noon for lunch before I left Gainesville. I was already emotional from the thought of being away from him for so long, but I tried not to think about it yet. We ate and talked until about 1:30 PM when I realized I should go. Actually Stu said that I should be going. I wasn’t too pleased to hear that. Would you be happy if your boyfriend told you it was time to leave? I felt a bit like a guest who had over stayed her welcome. This incident gave me a little pang of sadness. As we walked out onto the balcony and I hugged him goodbye the tears began to fall. Of course I was sad! Whether or not he knows it (or acknowledges it), this guy is very important to me and the thought of being away from him scared me a little. Stu couldn’t understand why I was so emotional. That hurt me too. I wondered whether he was upset at my leaving and he just kept his emotions hidden, or was he glad to see me go? These were great thoughts for an already insecure girlfriend. At one point Stu said, “This separation will be good for us – we need to see how we feel.” This was a knife through the heart.

Was I so clingy that I cramped his style? I don’t think so, but maybe he thinks that. Was I a really big pain that he couldn’t wait to get rid of? I don’t think so, and I would hate to think this was an option. What was he thinking? Good question. After he told me it would be a good separation for us I was floored. I sobbed for a few minutes because I couldn’t regain my composure. I don’t know if Stu knew exactly why I was crying, but I didn’t have the power to tell him at the time. My brain was a jumble of emotions that I couldn’t decipher or even sort out. It took me a little while, but I think I did the best thing by kissing him on the cheek, saying goodbye, and walking away. If he wanted a little space I wasn’t about to start crowding him then. If I did anything wrong I am sorry, but I think I just got too emotionally involved without knowing what he thought about our relationship. I almost turned my car around on my way out of the parking lot to go and see him again. I wanted to say that I would miss him and that I was sorry for being such a crazy girl. I don’t know if it would have helped, but my willpower kept me driving away. I wish I could talk to him now.

I spent the first hour of my drive home crying (a dangerous venture). A good cry will make you feel better, though. Of course every love song made me cry a little harder and every thought of Stu made the tears fall faster. After I got halfway home I kind of changed my tune. I realized that the time apart would be good for me too. I got very emotionally dependent on Stu during this summer because I didn’t have many other friends in Gainesville. I regret not doing other stuff this summer, but it is too late for grief now. I know that I am a very independent person and I already like myself for who I am. So why was I so reliant on this boy to reassure me of what I already know?
When Stu and I first got together I was convinced the he was perfect. I had finally found a guy who respected me and liked me for who I was. After we had been together for a little while I told myself that I wasn’t going to screw up this relationship. That’s when I became Super Cling, the girlfriend who holds on and won’t let go. Big mistake. From past relationships I already knew that being too clingy will drive guys away, but at the time it didn’t seem like I was acting that way. Chalk it up too a distorted perspective, because you can’t say that I don’t have enough experience with relationships.

When I think about all of these events I am glad to be one day older and a heck of a lot smarter. By the time I got to Tallahassee I was laughing and singing with my Disney CDs and in a good mood. It took me the two-hour car drive home with everything important that I own to assimilate the truth Stuart had dished out. When that was completed I realized that not only was he free – I am free too. We can both live our lives without worrying about making the other person happy for awhile and then decide if we should be together. My gut tells me that everything is going to be OK and happiness is just seven weeks down the bumpy road of life. Sometimes gut feelings have been known to be wrong, though. Only time will tell. I don’t want Stu to stay with me if that’s not what he wants. I realized today that someday I will find a guy who will be head over heels for me, but maybe that day isn’t today. Who knows? The future holds such promise if only you look at it in the right way. I see the horizon with limitless possibilities laid out before me. What road will I choose? Heck if I know! Right now I want to concentrate on making myself happy without needing another person’s approval. (Not that having another person around isn’t wonderful, but it can only truly be right if you are making yourself happy by yourself first.) I don’t want to lose Stuart either, if that is possible.

There is so much more I could say. I really should end this rambling, though. When I got home I talked this over with my friend and confidante, Meghan. She has been through the same things with her boyfriend and she urged me to write him a letter about this to get a guys perspective (he is in the Merchant Marines). Maybe I will. Meghan made me feel much better about the situation. As my sorority sister Carrie said once, “If it is meant to be then it will happen.” Let’s hope she is right.

P.S. Check tomorrow’s entry for the other events of Friday and Saturday that I didn’t get to here. Yes, there were actually some noteworthy…

[Copied from it’s original home at http://lyra23.tripod.com/news/6-17-99.html]

It is almost 2:30 AM as you move your attention to our heroine. She has finished her torturous History of Science paper and she wants to jump for joy! Then she remembers that she isn’t taking only one class this semester. Oh yes, the horrible idea that she has a Marriage and Family test at 9:30 AM (only seven hours from now) has crept into her brain. What will she do? Why, she will do what any good college student would do – stay up really late and study. Somehow I think the “really late” part has already passed so now we are going for at least a few hours of sleep before the test. After I finish the exam I will turn in my History of Science paper, come home, and take a long nap! I think I have earned it. After that I have to pack up my entire bedroom full of junk to move back to Tallahassee on Saturday. That’s a depressing thought. My checkout appointment is at 11:30 AM on Saturday so let’s hope I am ready to go by then.

Stuart had a busy day today, but still managed to fit in some time for little ol’ me! First of all, I overslept this morning AGAIN (that’s the second time this week, how sad) and this time it was too late to get to class on time at all. Fortunately we were having a review session in Marriage and Family so it wasn’t absolutely necessary for me to be there. Around 10 AM I got online and there was Stuart on ICQ! I thought that was strange because he was supposed to have a flight lesson at 9 AM. So I sent him a message asking him why he was online and he explained that the weather was too chancy for flying. Then he turned the question around and asked why I wasn’t in class like I was supposed to be. I had to fess up to sleeping in again. It was pretty funny that we were both not where we expected to be this morning.

History of Science class was boring today. I forgot that we were only reviewing and we were supposed to bring questions to ask Dr. Hatch. My best way to learn historical material is to listen to someone talk about it, though. I wasn’t the person who raised her hand in class to ask questions because my brain was still processing the information it had been given a minute earlier. I was the person who quietly listen and wrote down lots of notes in class. The people in my class who are always asking questions and making comments didn’t seem to do that well on the first exam, believe it or not. Those are the kind of people I expect to understand this stuff. Maybe they don’t understand the material, but can somehow invent intelligent questions on a dime. I’m just not like that.

After Stu went to a business-type lunch, to work, and then to a GO Club meeting (that he was in charge of today), he came over to my apartment and I made macaroni and cheese for dinner. He brought hotdogs too so we had a pretty good meal according to college student cooking standards! I hadn’t really seen much of him all week so I was very glad to spend some time with him, even if we were eating. Stu had to leave early, though, because of the stupid paper that is due tomorrow. That thing has put a damper on our relationship for the past week and I don’t like it at all. At least now it is done.

Last night Stu, Howie, and I went to Dairy Queen for 99-cent Blizzards. That’s a pretty good deal and I was dying for ice cream and a break from the Scientific Revolution. The place was packed and it took us forever to get our Blizzards. The guy behind the counter wasn’t experienced in making Blizzards so he took a long time and made mine wrong also. It wasn’t worth arguing over. We saw Joe there with Angel, Julie, and some other people. Apparently a Wednesday 99-cent Blizzard is a popular trend in Gainesville. By the time we got back to Stu’s apartment “South Park” was already more than half over and the guys were angry. We watched a funny but stupid show on Comedy Central called “The Man Show.” The theme is male dominance and sex talk, mainly, but what did you suspect with that title? I must admit I rather enjoyed it, but you can’t take it seriously without getting offended. After the show was over Stu practically threw me out of his house because I wasn’t done with my paper yet. He was only looking out for me, I know, but it isn’t a lot of fun to be shoved out the door.

OK, now I am going to bed. My day wasn’t as interesting on paper as it seemed earlier when I was thinking about it. However spending time with my boyfriend makes everyday more exciting. Good night.

[Copied from it’s original home at http://lyra23.tripod.com/news/6-15-99.html]

I just emailed my dad the introduction (or what I have of it) for my History of Science paper so he can proofread what I already have written. The email began, “It’s 2:30 AM, do you know what your daughter is up to?” He’ll like that. It is pretty late here in my little room, but I am giving myself a half hour to type up this entry because today I actually have something to say! Too bad I should be spending this time working more in that stupid paper, but I think I have written about it enough already. What do you think?

My day started at 9 AM, quite a bit later than I was supposed to wake up, when I heard hesitant knocking on my bedroom door. At first I thought it was in my dream, but when I heard it again I glanced at the clock and realized that I had overslept again! Sheesh. Liesl had been the one knocking on my door and I am very glad she was. I probably would have slept right through my class this morning if it hadn’t been for her. I got ready to go in ten minutes and Liesl and I walked to class together. When we opened the front door to leave we noticed that the chain was still in place. This meant that Brandy hadn’t gone to class this morning! Slacker – but I know exactly how she feels. On the way to class I remembered how it happened that I overslept. At 7 AM I woke up, either still in a dreamlike state or very disoriented, and looked at the clock at the foot of my bed. At that point it looked like I hadn’t set the alarm and I thought, What an idiot I am.” So I got out of bed, moved the little dial, and promptly went back to sleep. Apparently the alarm was on the whole time, I remember setting it last night, but I was just mistaken when I looked at it at 7 AM and I switched the dial to “off.” That’s just not something that happens everyday! I am quite impressed with the complexity of the whole thing.

I went over to the engineering building to look for Stuart during lunch AGAIN, but this time he was there! In fact he saw me coming towards the door as he was going back to his office, so as I walked in there was a handsome gentleman waiting for me. What a nice surprise. We talked for a little while before he had to get back to work. At least I found him this time.

Remember an entry sometime back about how happy I am with being a girl? Well sometimes it sucks too. My biggest complaint is crazy mood swings that can be unexpected and severe. I spent my entire walk this evening on the verge of tears for no good reason. After I got back I was a horrible conversation companion for Stuart on the phone (sorry about that, baby) because I was very sad. If you were to ask me why I was so sad I couldn’t give you a good, clear, or reasonable explanation. Maybe the stress of this last week of classes in getting to me, but I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me that I am going to make it through OK. I am quite a high maintenance girlfriend sometimes because I won’t tell my boyfriend when I need comfort and yet I get more upset when he doesn’t give it. Yes, I know that no one can read my mind, but sometimes a hug will suffice to cheer me up and I don’t usually ask for it outright. Just another facet to my ever-evolving and strange personality.

Here’s another “Lauren’s History of Science Paper Update.” I already told you that I emailed the existing portion of my introduction paragraph to my dad for him to proofread. I hope to have the whole thing done by midday Thursday so he will have time to read over all of it before I turn it in. Last semester my dad proofread my Western Civilization paper and I got an A on it. Perhaps he wasn’t the reason for the good grade, but I am not willing to take any chances with this paper! Today I made a detailed outline for the entire paper. The more specific information is written on about ten sheets of paper that are all over my floor right now. I am feeling stressed just thinking about it. Tomorrow is a major paper writing day so wish me luck – I am going to need it. By the way, what I have written of my paper is posted at HSpaper.html so go and read it!

[Copied from it’s original home at http://lyra23.tripod.com/news/6-14-99.html]

“Any other day of the week is fine, yeah” to quote a famous song. When my alarm went off this morning I was in the middle of an interesting dream (which I can’t remember anymore) and the radio got incorporated into it. It took me a few bars of the song to realize that it was time to get up. Yes my friends, it was Monday.

I saw Allen today while I was working on my paper for History of Science. Of course he and his mom had arrived late for the beginning of Preview, the pre-freshman orientation session, because they hadn’t gotten on the road early enough. Sounds like a typical Mathis problem. I knew that pizza was being served to the people who went to the engineering session so I took Allen and his mother over to the New Engineering Building for lunch. Allen looked surprised when I said I have to leave him there. I don’t know what he thought I was going to do at an engineering advising session, but I was starving for some food of my own and I had a paper to work on. He said that he would call me sometime tonight, but I haven’t heard from him yet and it is 9:30 PM. I’ll probably need to help him make a schedule tomorrow. My neighbor, Jamie Kacur, called me last night from Tallahassee for that reason. She is here for Preview now also and she is supposed to call me if she needs some help with her schedule. I wish I had had someone to help me out making a schedule when I was an incoming freshman!

One another note, today was an interesting day on my favorite soap opera, “Days of Our Lives.” I am an avid watcher of the show and I have been for several years now, but that doesn’t mean I am always a fan. “Days” goes through phases – sometimes there is so much going on that if you miss a day you will miss something important, and other times (like right now) nothing will happen for weeks. Today was a “wear a dress two sizes too small for you” day for the Salem ladies and a “let’s see how strange a tux I can wear” day for the gentlemen. My roommates Brandy and I both watched and we had a blast making fun of the clothes. We decided that only two of the women on the show haven’t had breast implants, but the only one I can remember right now is Vivian. Can anyone help me out with the other? During the regular school year I watch Days as often as I can, but I have found that now I don’t really care about watching it. You must consider that I watch with a few of my sorority sisters during the year, however, and that makes the scene more interesting. When you watch by yourself who can you crack jokes with? And there is always a lot of joke cracking due to bad acting, funny clothes, and messed up lines.

I found a penny on the ground today just as I was starting my walk. Nothing else in the world can reassure me more than a found penny. I know that some of you will be thinking, “This girl is nuts!” and you are probably right. However the psychological impact of finding a little token lying at my feet does wonders to comfort me when I am worrying. Lately I have been worrying about my History of Science paper and leaving Gainesville for the rest of the summer. As I started my walk I was wondering how I would deal with being away from Stuart for so long and that’s when I found the penny. As the shiny copper coin stared up at me a little voice in my head said, “everything is going to be all right.” I believed it too. Nothing is better for a worrying mind than to find some peace, no matter if it is in the form of a penny or anything else imaginable. Ask my friends from high school and they will tell you that I used to find multiple pennies everyday at school. I have no idea how they caught my eye, but somehow I found them in the strangest places or in plain sight. Maybe it’s a subconscious thing. I treasure the pennies that make me feel better just by being found. A break from worrying is a priceless gift.

The preparations for my History of Science paper are going smoothly so far. Today in class we finished discussing Descartes’s Vortex Theory of the universe so at least I feel more prepared to write about that now. Tomorrow we will finish up Newton and I will be ready to make a decent thesis, a good starting point for a paper. I really must go now and work on my notes some more. I need to start writing the body of the paper soon also. On Thursday I plan to email the finished product to my dad so he can proofread it. I will also post it on my webpage somewhere so that everyone can read it. Aren’t you excited?

[Copied from it’s original home at http://lyra23.tripod.com/news/6-12-99.html]

It is 11:15 PM and I am sick of reading about scientific revolutions. I am taking a break now before my head explodes. The biggest problem is that I have to read the book slowly to understand what the author is saying and I have to take lots of notes for later. Yesterday Dr. Hatch gave us the assignment for our paper that is due next Friday. Basically we are writing about Thomas Kuhn’s book The Structure of Scientific Revolutions with respect to the scientific works of Newton. Well, since we haven’t talked about Newton in class yet that makes it rather hard to write about him. There are a few topics that we must discuss in the paper – the celestial theories of Copernicus, Kepler, Brahe, and Galileo for example – but the heart of the matter should be Newton. I guess I can write about some of the topics we have discussed already, but I don’t even have enough information to create a descent thesis yet! This is very frustrating because my first step in writing a paper is to decided exactly what I am going to write about – this involves formulating a good thesis.

I know someone out there right now is saying, “Stop whining, get up off your butt, and do something about it!” Let’s set the record straight – I HAVE been doing something about it. At this moment I feel better venting my anxieties through my diary than reading more of Mr. Kuhn’s work. This guy either has a great vocabulary or his thesaurus needed a rest after he wrote this book. I have had to look up words like “pedagogy” because I had absolutely no idea what it meant. That’s pretty annoying when you are trying to get the main point of the book and the meaning of a word interrupts you. Granted that this wasn’t written for the average person to read, but must it be so superfluous and intellectual? Dr. Hatch said that if we were reading the book correctly we would struggle to get through it. If he was telling us the truth, I must be grasping the concepts REALLY well. It takes me two hours to read forty pages! Does that seem like a long time for such a short section? I think so. I will be very happy to be done with this book – a goal I have set to accomplish before I go to bed tonight. Wish me luck.

The bulk of my day was spent at the beach. I found out that I was going late Friday evening so that’s why I haven’t mentioned it before. We drove over to Crescent Beach this morning, I was driving my car because there were five people and my car has four doors. (I also think Stuart got me to drive because he didn’t want to. Not that I blame him. He has been driving around the state of Florida the past two weekends and he needed a break from the driver’s seat.) The weather was chancy since it rained here in Gainesville yesterday and the chance for rain was good today also. Somehow the portion of beach that we picked didn’t see a drop of rain until just before we left. There were some nasty rain clouds all over the place, but we got blue skies quite a bit of sunshine. I did a good job with the sunscreen again. Besides a little spot on my foot that seems to be sunburned (and we are talking a really little spot) I got no sun at all. Apparently it is too much to ask to even out my horrible farmer’s tan. I am destined to have a white stomach also. Oh well, it could be worse because I would certainly rather be white than sunburned.
The ocean was choppy today due to the strong storms offshore. I love to swim in the water, though, and it is more fun when the waves toss you around. Sometimes I think I was born to swim because I feel more comfortable in the water than out of it! I did fall in the water a few more times than necessary due to Stuart. The biggest problem with a bikini is that they don’t stay in place as well as they should. One of my searches in life is to find a great bikini. Anyway, my bathing suit was a bit uncooperative when a certain gentleman threw me into the water. He was complaining about his suit too. Guys are lucky enough to be able to put on some shorts and pass them as a bathing suit. Girls have to find one that fits, that flatters their particular figure, and that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. That’s a pretty tall order. For females buying a bathing suit is one of the worst experiences possible, and to find one that fits those criteria is a dream come true.

Now that I have gone off on several tangents it is 30 minutes later than when I started and I had better get back to work. I will be glad when this summer semester is over and I can relax. I will be posting my finished History of Science paper on my webpage as soon as it is done, if anyone is interested in reading it. Until then send me good studying “vibes” (as my mom says).

[Copied from it’s original home at http://lyra23.tripod.com/news/6-10-99.html]

Yes, it is definitely summer here in Gainesville, FL. Another evening walk was rained out when it started raining around 7:30 PM. I don’t think it’s raining now, but the thunder and lightning has kept me inside for the night. Great. We had a short tornado warning earlier when a tornado was spotted forming in Alachua County. I only heard about the warning after it expired so I guess it wasn’t important enough to tell the general public about until it was too late. That’s summer weather in Florida – high temperatures in the nineties and about a 30% change of afternoon thunderstorms. The Weather Channel could just give us that forecast everyday and it would be pretty accurate.

The most exciting part of my day (not exciting to me but maybe to someone else) was wandering around the engineering buildings looking for Stuart from 12 noon until 12:45 PM. I figured he would be eating lunch outside because he said he always does. What a liar! I found the room where his backpack and bottle of water were hanging out during the noon hour, but there was no cute, blonde college boy to go along with them, much to my despair. It serves me right for wanting to surprise him, though. The best-laid plans (on my part) are the first to fail (when the other party doesn’t know about them). I bought him some cookies at Subway to bring to him, but when he wasn’t around I figured I could eat them myself. Sorry about that, Stu! I’ll make it up to you somehow.

The weekend is fast approaching and I don’t have any concrete plans yet! This is my last weekend in Gainesville for a while since next week is our last of Summer A classes. Thank goodness. Stu mentioned something about a possible trip this weekend, but he hasn’t said anything about it since last Sunday. Hmm. I do have a paper that I should be writing (as soon as we get the assignment, hopefully tomorrow) but that would be really boring. I want to do something fun. After next week I have seven weeks at home before I come back to Gainesville on August 7. That also means I will be without my boyfriend too! I hope we get to do something this weekend rather than leaving me with too much time and only a dumb paper to write.

My mom just found out that she has to report for jury duty tomorrow morning. I really feel sorry for her. I was summoned for jury duty last summer at the end of July, when I was working at the Magnet Lab. The instructions on the summons tell you to call the night before you are told to report and make sure the potential jurors are still needed. Fortunately when I called I didn’t have to report at all. Good thing because if I had been placed on the jury of a case that lasted longer than a week I wouldn’t have been able to come back to Gainesville in time for sorority Rush preparation. My mom called tonight and she found out that she does have to report in the morning. What a pain. I hope she doesn’t get picked for a jury (and she wants the same thing).

Brandy’s fiancee, Jacob, showed up here yesterday and he stayed with us last night. He is still here so I guess he is going to stay tonight as well. I never expected Jacob to show up in the middle of the week or stay this long. The two of them have been in her room since he showed up yesterday (except when she went to class this morning). I think Brandy is going back home with him tomorrow after her classes. I am the only roommate who is going to be around this weekend (and hopefully I won’t be around either). Anyway, I am not too fond of Jacob. He has been here twice to visit and both times he has criticized the food we have. First of all, it is not his place to criticize what kind of food I eat! Second, he is way too picky and won’t eat anything Brandy offers him. Third, as far as I can tell he is a lazy bum who can’t drive somewhere and get his own food. I guess those are my main complaints. I tried to keep an open mind when I met him for the second time (because I didn’t like him the first time around and because Brandy is such a nice girl) but my opinion of him is slipping.

Gotta go and read some more about the structures of scientific revolutions. It is actually interesting stuff. I also have a deal with Stuart that if I work on reading the book from 10 to 11 PM then I will call him back. Since it is 10 PM now I had better get going. By the way, it is still raining.

[Copied from it’s original home at http://lyra23.tripod.com/news/importance.html]

I was just thinking about relationships. Have you ever had imaginary conversations with yourself to practice what you should say in a certain situation? That’s what I was doing. I don’t remember exactly what the situation was that I was thinking of, but it had something to do with relationships. As I was talking to myself (as I sometimes do, don’t get scared please) I realized what my biggest issue is with my relationships with boyfriends: I need to feel like I am important to them.

Importance has always been a central theme in my perceptions of a relationship. If a guy calls me often, acts interested in what I say, and wants to spend time with me that makes me feel like I am important to him. In the past I have been a very needy girlfriend (just ask some of my ex-boyfriends!) and now I realize why I acted that way. I remember specific instances with two ex-boyfriends when I thought I valued them more than they valued me. It was a real blow to think that my commitment to the relationship was stronger than his was. Both times I thought this I was right in my assumptions and eventually it led to breakup.

After these kinds of relationships where I felt unwanted and not needed I told myself that I wouldn’t settle for less. It took a lot of conditioning to like myself for who I am, but thanks to a broken heart and a lot of time alone I have become independent enough to say that I do. I don’t deserve to be taken for granted. I don’t deserve to be with someone who doesn’t love me. I don’t deserve to waste my time with someone who doesn’t value me. I don’t deserve to be sad. I deserve so much more than this and it took me a long time to come to that conclusion. The person that I am today would not exist if I hadn’t gone through the hard times that shaped my personality. Nothing has done more for my personal growth than being single during most of my senior year of high school. I learned to see that I am a unique person that some guy is going to love for no other reason than who I am.

Someday I am going to find that guy to love me. Someday he will walk into my life. (Maybe he already has and I just don’t know it yet.) I have walked a rocky path on my way to finding that day. Distractions along the way have led to more tears than I wish to count, but personal growth helped me deal with my miseries and hold my head higher. As I walked along the tears became less and less frequent as I learned to handle difficult situations with grace. I won’t allow anything to hurt me as much as they used to. I won’t allow myself to wallow in self-pity any longer than necessary. (A little wallowing is sometimes good for the soul, though, and I will never deny the therapeutic properties of a good cry.) I won’t allow anyone to take advantage of me. I am a very strong person due to the troubles I have seen, but with each successive one I have become the person who is writing these words now. I am very proud of myself.

People trivialize the milestones teenagers and young adults must surpass. They are certainly not easy things to reach. Falling in and out of love is the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with (except the occasional thermodynamics problem). These trials shape the characters of the young. Self-reflection is the most important action that can be taken to realize just how you want to be shaped as an individual. Throughout my period of self-definition (which, I am sure, is still going on) I realized that what I need from a relationship is to feel important. That is the bottom line. A weight is lifted with every realization I discover about myself. This is the latest and perhaps one of the most interesting. If I feel important I can do anything.

[Copied from it’s original home at http://lyra23.tripod.com/news/6-9-99.html]

My day started out much later than it should have this morning. As usual, my alarm clock went off at 8 AM. I have the clock on my dresser that is on the wall at the end of my bed. This requires me to sit up to crawl to the end of the bed to turn off the radio when it goes off. I thought this would help me get up in the morning, but I also set my alarm to go off thirty minutes before I have to start getting ready for class. This morning I turned off the radio and went back to sleep for over an hour. I woke up to Liesl slamming her bedroom door this morning at 9:05 AM. This is the time I usually leave for class so naturally I panicked! Everything seemed to be against me getting to class on time. The first problem was Brandy had left the TV on with the Weather Channel blaring after she left for her 8 AM class. This led Liesl to believe that I was the one watching it in the common area and that is why she didn’t wake me up this morning.

The first thing I did when I woke up was jump out of bed and start changing my clothes to go to class. A million things were running through my mind, mostly yelling at myself for sleeping in, but the most prominent was a question. “Is it really worth it?” I was wondering if I should be killing myself to get to Marriage and Family or whether I should just relax and miss class. At first this sounded like a good idea so I put back on my pajamas and went back to my bed. Less than a minute later I felt like a slacker so I decided I could make it to class and only be a few minutes late, at the most. So I scrambled out the door – no breakfast, no jewelry, no primping, only time to splash my face with cold water so I wouldn’t look like I was still asleep. My legs hurt after my fifteen-minute “walk” to class that was practically a run. As soon as I walked in the classroom door I was SO glad I had gone! We had an assignment that was due today and I hadn’t remembered about it until I got there. Don’t misunderstand, I had done the assignment, but I forgot that it was due today. I am such a moron.

I had my usual bowl of rice for dinner tonight around 5:30 PM while watching “Full House” on TV. Around 6 PM Stuart called and asked if I had eaten already. Dumb Lauren told him no! (And now I am talking about myself in the third person.) I guess that rice wasn’t very memorable because I realized that I had already eaten about two seconds later. Stu laughed a lot – I guess it was pretty funny. Anyway, he was making pancakes so I went over to his apartment and ate some. They were little burned due to the fact he was cooking them in a skillet, but they still tasted good. (Stu, are you reading this? They tasted good, sweetie. I won’t deny that.) I little discoloration never hurt a pancake. I wish I had been able to walk tonight, but by the time it stopped raining (it was sort of annoying drizzle, actually) it was too late to be out by myself. Oh well.

I am supposed to be finished with a book for History of Science tomorrow, so at least I need to get some more of it read by then. There’s no way I will be able to finish it. Dr. Hatch only gave us two days to read the entire book and it isn’t that short. Does he think we have nothing else to do with our time? I may not have a very busy social calendar, but almost anything is more important that reading The Structure of Scientific Revolutions by Thomas Kuhn. No offence, Tom, but I am not a complete recluse. However I do need to read some of that book, which is my reason for signing off now.

[Copied from it’s original home at http://lyra23.tripod.com/news/6-8-99.html]

I haven’t had much time lately to write anything, but also not much has been happening in my little life. We have entered the last two weeks of my summer semester and I have work piling up left and right. I am just a little stressed out. Good news, however, because I got a B+ on my History of Science midterm exam! That was quite a relief. When Dr. Hatch was talking to us yesterday before he gave back our exam booklets he told us that our essays weren’t specific enough. That made me panic because I couldn’t remember my essay being very specific. Apparently it was pretty good, though. I read it again today and realized that my vocabulary isn’t very good when I am under pressure. I used the word “thing” a lot without being too worried about what it meant and my verb choice was about equal to that of a third grader. We only had thirty minutes to write down everything that we knew so I wasn’t caught up in word choice. Maybe I should be next time.

Also in class yesterday we had our first Idiot Quiz (IQ). If anyone has seen “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” (or something like that) you will recognize the form of this little quiz.

1) What is your (last) name?
2) What is your favorite color?
3) What is your quest?
4) What is the flight speed of a sparrow?

The fifth question consisted of an essay – in fact the same essay we had to write for the midterm! Coincidence? Somehow I don’t think so. Anyway, I was at a loss about the “flight speed of a sparrow” question because I had never seen any Monty Python movie. (I watched my first one last night.) I asked Dr. Hatch if I should know what he was talking about, but he just told me to make up something. That’s exactly what I did. It turns out that our answers weren’t important at all because the quiz was just checking to see who was in class and to see who wasn’t brain dead at the time. Except for the essay question, but I think I passed. We still have to write a five-page final paper that is due next Friday. I am glad it is an out-of-class assignment because I can make good use of my thesaurus! We are getting the essay topic this Friday so we only have a week to plan and write the paper. I know it can be done, but I am still nervous about making it a great essay.

Stuart and I have been playing a modified version of phone tag tonight. I called him sometime between 6 and 7 PM, but after a little while the parents of one of his roommates (Matt) called and we had to get off the phone. Around 8 PM Stu called me back and we talked for an even shorter period of time before another parent, Chris’s this time, called forcing us to hang up. At that point I decided to take a walk so I said that I would call him back later. After I got back from my walk it was about 9:30 PM and I called Stu’s apartment. This time one of his brothers interrupted our conversation! I got in the shower almost immediately after hanging up the phone and when I got out there was a message. Stu said that he was going to a birthday party for a friend and we would talk later. Not often do we get so many obstacles in the way of a phone conversation. The fates were not on our side tonight, apparently. Well, tomorrow is another day!

When I was walking tonight I passed the University of Florida bat house, like I do every time I walk my normal route by Lake Alice. This time, however, I went by the bat house at almost exactly 9 PM and the bats were making a mass exodus for the evening. I see people gathering to watch the event every night, but I don’t usually pass the bat house that late. It was really neat because a whole bunch of bats were flying away at the same time. I never understood why people went to watch before, but now I have seen it for myself. Too bad the university wants to build a dormitory on that land. They will have to relocate the bat house if that happens. I really enjoy walking by Lake Alice but if there is another dorm there it won’t be such a nice place.

[Copied from it’s original home at http://lyra23.tripod.com/news/6-5-99.html]

For the females (and males that can relate) reading this page, how old were you when you first got your ears pierced? I was ten years old and even then I had to beg my mom to let me do it. I think the only reason I was given permission is because my good friend Abby was getting her ears pierced. The biggest reason I wanted to get my ears pierced was because Abby was doing it and my other friend, Stacey, had already done it. When the day came I was very excited.

Boy did it hurt! Most people will tell you that getting your ears pierced is a piece of cake and there is no pain involved. Don’t believe them! It hurts like holy heck. Having to turn the posts everyday after your ears are pierced, along with having to bath your lobes in rubbing alcohol, doesn’t help much. Ouch! The pain that I experienced is the reason I brought up this whole issue.

Today I was at the mall looking for earrings when I saw a mother having her infant daughter’s ears pierced. The poor child was crying like it was the end of the world and I felt so sorry for her. Does this picture seem wrong to anyone else? Getting sharp objects thrust though the sensitive skin of your ear lobes is painful enough when you WANT to have it done! I almost cried watching this mother subject her baby to that kind of pain. Why in the world would any little kid need to have pierced ears? This I cannot understand. If you wait about five to ten years then she can make a conscious decision to get it done. I wanted to give this woman a piece of my mind! All things considered that could be some form of child abuse, at least in my opinion. My mom was reluctant enough when I was ten years old.

When I was in high school I wanted to get another hole in each of my ears, but my mom had something against that. I kept my idea to myself because my mom was always saying how multiple holes would go out of style and how she hated the way it looked. Finally when I was seventeen I told my mom I wanted more holes in my ears. She went crazy. I told her that I was going to get it done as soon as I turned eighteen (that’s how old you have to be to get it done without your parent’s permission) if she wouldn’t allow it then. She decided that she would rather be there than not, so I had my second holes punched the next weekend. As soon as I got that done I wanted more holes! (I don’t have them yet, but I am seriously considering it for sometime soon. It has been almost three years since the last holes, for goodness sakes!)

I did get some silver earrings today at the mall. Why is it so hard to find plain silver hoops? Beats me, but I finally found some so I am pleased. It two trips to the mall to get it right, though. I went this morning and bought the earrings, but as soon as I got home and tried them on one of them broke. Great, another trip to the mall (which was busy tonight). I did get them exchanged, but I am wary of the craftsmanship and quality. The set I bought had three pairs of hoops so that will work well if I get the third hole soon. (Mom, if you are reading this you will be croaking by now!)

Wanna know how much schoolwork I have gotten done today? Try “very little.” I am going to post this entry online and then get to work. Maybe I can find a few more things that are of higher priority that need to get done first. (Once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator. Don’t deny it.) Maybe I need to shower, or wash the dishes, or email someone, or just get some sleep. I am pretty tired already and it isn’t even 11 PM yet. Too bad I am going to die a painful academic death if I don’t read at least some of my History of Science stuff. Ok I am going now (reluctantly).