Tag Archives ⇒ feminism

Not allowed to say no

· Lauren

I started writing this post on May 26th. A couple of days later my personal life imploded (in addition to the world at large already being upside down) so I haven’t had much inclination to blog since then. I’ve been making use of my private journal instead, but I’m not sharing that emotional rollercoaster here. No way the general public is ready for that level of insanity. However, I’m starting to get to the point where I want to write posts for my webpage again. Here’s hoping my creativity lasts long enough for me to breathe life back into this poor neglected URL!

A few years ago I was at a race expo with my running buddies. I can’t remember which one now. We retrieved our bibs, picked up our shirts, and were subsequently perusing the rest of the booths to see if there was anything else we wanted. Usually at least one of us needed to stock up on energy gels and the like, and there are often some decent freebies like snacks, towels, and chapstick too. The three of us were wandering up and down the expo aisles when we passed a young man handing out fliers for some business or other. I honestly don’t remember what it was. Lots of companies man booths at race expos because thousands of runners have to attend to get their packets. This particular guy could have been working for a travel agency, a massage parlor, a nutrition company, or something else that runners might have an interest in. When he offered me the flyer I politely said, “No thank you.” This is my response to just about every employee handing out stuff at an expo because it feels wasteful to accept something that I can guarantee will be thrown in the trash the first chance I get. Races already stuff their mandatory “goodie” bags with all sorts of odds and ends that no one wants, so I try to avoid acquiring anything extra on the expo floor.

When I refused the flyer from this man he gave me a dirty look and let out an exasperated grunt. Under normal circumstances I would have ignored his response and walked away, but this time I got annoyed. I turned around and asked the guy, “Am I not allowed to say no?” He obviously hadn’t expected me to vocally object to his rudeness, but he managed to reply, “No.” To which I answered, “So don’t be a jerk about it!” I then caught up with my running buddies and told them what happened. Much to my surprise, one of my friends chastised me for my behavior. “You should have just taken the flyer! He was only doing his job!” I was taken aback. Logically I knew that this guy had no right to behave badly towards me since I hadn’t been discourteous to him in any way, but not being backed up was very jarring. I briefly questioned my reaction. Should I have just smiled sweetly and taken the unwanted piece of paper to mollify the dude? Quickly the answer came to me – absolutely not!

The problem, I realized, is that our society has taught women, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, to believe that they are not allowed to say no. A man asks for your phone number? Don’t say no because it will bruise his ego (and potentially cause him to become violent). Someone asks you for a favor? Don’t say no or else you’re selfish and uncaring of others. Your husband requests that you stay home half the day to wait for a repairman because he wouldn’t even consider taking time off work himself? Don’t say no because your career couldn’t possibly be as important as his, in spite of the fact that you both work in the same industry. Oh wait, that last one actually happened to me when I was married. On more than one occasion. It’s a tragedy how women are always called upon to be the peacemakers. There are so many examples. Disagree with a man over something? Just let him win the argument because everything will be easier that way. Your boyfriend or husband doesn’t complete a chore that he was supposed to do? Keep your mouth shut and just do it yourself to pacify the situation. Unfortunately women are groomed to be pleasant and conciliatory no matter the circumstances. Society uses words like “unladylike,” “bossy,” and “bitchy” when we aren’t. Heaven forbid you speak up when society compels you to stay silent. Heaven forbid you take charge when society tells you to be subservient. And heaven forbid you stand up for yourself when society has advised you to accept unfair or unequal treatment simply because you are a woman. This is what we need to change in the next generation. Ladies, you can say no!

Things women deal with (NaBloPoMo day 5)

· Lauren

Tonight I’m once again so exhausted that I don’t know how I’m going to write my daily post. It’s nearly 9 PM, I’ve been working on a few different posts for hours, and still I have nothing ready to publish. My brain is pretty much fried. I had an unusually busy morning and my energy level never recovered after I got home at 2 PM. I thought I would have plenty of time to rest and recuperate before heading to the gym at 8 PM, but the downtime didn’t have the desired effect. I’ll get back to boot camp tomorrow night. Funny enough, sitting here typing on my laptop seems just as difficult as the weight training I missed. I don’t want to rehash my post from two days ago, but I do want to be transparent about how much more challenging NaBloPoMo is for me now than it has been in years past. I’m still going to see if I can complete it!

In order to make this post slightly more interesting I’ll tell you about an incident that happened to me last night. I was in my car on my way from boot camp to the grocery store because I had a craving for cereal. Not the best thing to eat after a workout, but probably not the worst either. I was waiting at a red light in one of two left turn lanes and digging around for something in my purse. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the car in the other left turn lane inching forward so that their passenger side window was aligned with my driver side window. I had a gut feeling that whoever was in the car was being a weirdo so I deliberately didn’t look in the other car’s direction. I wanted no part in any shenanigans. Under normal circumstances both cars would have gone on their way without any interaction when the light turned green, but unfortunately for the state of our society these days that’s not how this story ends. Suddenly the person in the car next to me honked their horn. I finally glanced in that direction to see what the ruckus was all about, and I saw a male driver smiling broadly at me. He leaned as far as he could towards my driver’s side window and shouted, “Smile!” He also pointed at the corners of his lips, which were still upturned in a Joker-like grin, in case I wasn’t familiar with the facial expression he was demanding from me. Yes, you read that right. Some man decided to use his car horn (generally employed to indicate automotive distress) to inform a random woman in a separate car that she needed to look happy for his benefit. In what universe is that acceptable? And yet, this is a situation that women face on a daily basis. It’s absolutely ridiculous. In that moment, tired and sweaty, I had never been less inclined to comply with a man’s request. All this dude got was an exasperated eye roll and my middle finger extended in his direction before the light turned green and our brief encounter was over. I wish I could have given him a piece of my mind along with flipping the bird, but I didn’t get the opportunity. So if you’re of the male persuasion and happen to be reading this post, please think about how you interact with women to make sure you fall into the same category as this jerk!

I Voted

· Lauren

“I find it poor logic to say that because women are good, women should vote. Men do not vote because they are good; they vote because they are male, and women should vote, not because we are angels and men are animals, but because we are human beings and citizens of this country.”
-Jo March, Little Women (1994 film)

I wasn’t surprised to find out that my least favorite blogger is against a woman’s right to vote, but that didn’t keep me from feeling disappointed by it. Even though it’s been nearly 100 years since the 19th Amendment was ratified, there are still people in the United States that think those of the female persuasion should not cast ballots of their own. I suppose that’s not a huge surprise given the diverse society we live in, but you almost never hear those folks expressing their wildly outdated opinions anywhere that the general public can hear them. Kind of like racism in the days before our current disgrace of a president. We all knew racists existed before he came on the political scene, but they were keeping their mouths shut to avoid derision. It’s sad how times have changed and empowered racists in the last few years. But I digress. Actually, the digression isn’t as off-topic as I would like. Around the 2016 election there was a scary and disheartening hashtag permeating social media – #RepealThe19th. Men (and maybe women too) who recognized that Trump would be elected president by a landslide if only males voted figured that one way to achieve their desired outcome was to float the idea of rescinding women’s suffrage. Pretty despicable by 21st century standards, but Trump tends to bring out the worst in people. Speaking of which, here’s what my least favorite blogger had to say about women voting a week before the 2018 midterm election.

“What are my thoughts on women voting? I have been asked this frequently. I am not a fan at all. Women overwhelmingly vote Democrat. They vote for big government to take care of them which means higher taxes and more laws and regulations which means less freedoms. They vote for free health care and abortions. They vote for leftist policies which are highly destructive to the family and culture.”
-My least favorite blogger, 10/29/18

So her initial gripe is that women vote Democratic, as if it’s a sin to disagree with her personal beliefs. Heaven forbid that we use the brains that God gave us and come to our own conclusions! Turns out my least favorite blogger does indeed vote, but only the way her husband tells her to. Thinking for yourself is just too much of a destructive feminist principle, I guess. Believe it or not, I don’t need a man to tell me my own mind, thank you very much. Even when I was married I didn’t consult my husband before heading to my polling place. We might not have had the greatest relationship, but he did trust me to make my own decisions in that area! Another one of this lady’s objections to women’s suffrage is that females vote for “free health care and abortions.” This is both an oversimplification and a gross inaccuracy at the same time. I don’t know anyone who believes that there is such a thing as “free” healthcare. We’re not stupid; of course we know that our taxes pay for anything subsidized by the government. What we’re striving for is more affordable coverage for everyone, especially for those who aren’t lucky enough to be covered through their employer or privileged enough to pay for it out of their own pockets. And although Jesus would most definitely be a proponent of caring for the sick and the poor, somehow my least favorite blogger disagrees with attempts to actually do so. And while we’re at it, let me say one last thing – absolutely no one is pro-abortion! Instead we Democrats are pro-choice, meaning that a woman should always have the safe and legal option of ending a pregnancy if that is her decision. Abortions are never taken lightly, even if opponents insist that they are, and often terminating a pregnancy is the hardest, most gut-wrenching decision a woman or a couple will ever make. Taking that option away would be a step backwards for this country. Bodily autonomy is something that males have enjoyed since the beginning of human history, but it is something females are still trying to achieve for themselves. We have come a long way, but there are still inequalities that need to be reconciled. This is one of the reasons I vote!

In conclusion, the United States government was founded with the concept of the separation of church and state, and women were granted the right to vote via the 19th Amendment to the Constitution in 1920. If someone wishes to abstain from voting for any reason (religious or otherwise), that is their choice. However, no one has the power to enforce their beliefs in a manner that prevents me from casting my ballot and voting for any candidate I want. As an American woman who wants to have a say in the governing of my country I mailed in my ballot for the 2018 midterm election back in October. I did my civic duty and made my voice heard. What a concept!

The wrong direction

· Lauren

“If rape becomes legal under my proposal, a girl will protect her body in the same manner that she protects her purse and smartphone. If rape becomes legal, a girl will not enter an impaired state of mind where she can’t resist being dragged off to a bedroom with a man who she is unsure of — she’ll scream, yell, or kick at his attempt while bystanders are still around. If rape becomes legal, she will never be unchaperoned with a man she doesn’t want to sleep with. After several months of advertising this law throughout the land, rape would be virtually eliminated on the first day it is applied.”
-Roosh V, “How to Stop Rape”

Back in 2015 the man who wrote this (who makes a living telling men how to pick up and have sex with women all over the world, by the way) proposed making rape legal in private property. So if a man takes advantage of a woman in his own house or in hers there would be no repercussions. (Or vice versa. I acknowledge that there are women who rape men as well.) First of all, have you ever read something so disgusting? I could devote an entire post to describing how much I despise this jerk for writing such a sexist, misogynistic, backwards “article” dripping with male privilege, but instead I want to make one particular point. The major fallacy in this dude’s hypothesis is that rape happens because women aren’t vigilant enough. Obviously he’s not female or he’d know that his underlying premise couldn’t be more wrong. Women already go to unbelievable lengths to safeguard our bodies and our property. Let me tell you a story about what happened to me this spring, which I briefly mentioned a couple of weeks ago.

On my way home from boot camp I stopped by the grocery store. It was about 9 PM so it was dark, and there were very few cars in the parking lot that late. Seal Beach is a sleepy little town at heart so things get quiet early around here. After I made my purchases I walked out of the store to head back to my car. I looked both ways as I went outside and I immediately noticed that there was a man standing to the right of the door. This fact by itself wasn’t cause for alarm, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw that he started following me. I recognized the possible danger right away because women have learned to observe our public surroundings in order to ensure our safety. That’s why I wasn’t oblivious of the risk I was facing simply walking 50 feet to my car. I increased my pace and got to my car as quickly as I could, climbed inside (unceremoniously tossing my bag of groceries onto the passenger seat), and locked the doors. My heart was racing. My potential assailant walked around the car to stand right next to my driver’s side window and wave at me. He was obviously targeting me or else he would have just kept walking. In all likelihood he was simply a homeless man wanting a handout, but after scaring the crap out of me I didn’t give him the chance to ask. I reversed my little SUV out of its parking space like I was in “The Fast and the Furious” and got the hell out of there. It was a terrifying situation, but luckily I didn’t experience any negative consequences. Other women in similar situations are not so lucky.

I don’t know how I could have possibly been any more vigilant. Not to mention how ridiculous it is to place all of the responsibility on my shoulders in this scenario. As I read in this article on Odyssey, “And, why is it the woman’s job to constantly be on high alert? Why can there be no push for rape to stop, so that she can live without fear?” Bingo. That’s the objective of the #metoo movement. To shift the blame from the victims to the perpetrators, where it rightly belongs, so that women feel safe to come forward and make reports when they are attacked. That’s the direction our society needs to go in order to achieve true gender equality. It’s sad, but we still haven’t achieved a culture where males are consistently held accountable for their despicable actions towards females. If a woman is sexually harassed or raped by a man he should be punished for the act, and the victim shouldn’t have her life ruined for coming forward and telling authorities. However, Roosh V is advocating taking our country in the wrong direction – back towards the end of the spectrum where a man can do no wrong. We cannot allow this to happen. Listen to women when they tell their personal stories, believe women when they say they have been victimized, and don’t let their claims get be swept under the rug!

Sacrifices

· Lauren

“In order to want to get married and have children, young women must be willing to sacrifice their time, energy, and maybe even their gifts, and most young women don’t seem to want to do these things. They also must learn to be a help meet to their husband and serve him by learning to have a meek and quiet spirit if they marry. They must learn to sacrifice their body, time, and energy to raise godly offspring which is difficult. Yes, marrying and bearing children requires a lot of sacrifice that many young women have no desire to do these days, sadly. (It’s heartbreaking to me.) Instead, they would rather sacrifice their time, money, and energy for a career that may keep them from marrying and raising their children, if they do have children.”
-My least favorite blogger, 9/13/18

I’m sure no one is surprised that this was written by my least favorite blogger. Yep, I continue to read her posts periodically in order to find inspiration (more like irritation) for my own writing. An unlikely spot for a feminist to find writing prompts! Funny enough, in the post I grabbed this excerpt from she used an image of the space shuttle to represent “women’s trajectory towards worldly success.” It’s like my least favorite blogger wrote this with me in mind. Well, here’s my response. Are you out of your freakin’ mind, lady? Why must women sacrifice the gifts that God gave them just to get married and have families? Men don’t have to do this. They are allowed, or rather encouraged, to use the full extent of their talents out in the world to earn money and support their loved ones. But for some reason fundamentalist Christian women are taught to ignore their innate abilities to submit to a man and raise as many children as that man desires. This is an archaic way of thinking, not just in 2018, but for at least the last century. Why would God give females intelligence, skills, and passions if he wanted us to ignore them? Why aren’t we simply born with the bare minimum needed to be wives, housekeepers, and mothers? Because not all women are meant to walk the same narrow path! To prove this you don’t even need to look outside the Bible for all of the examples you could ever need. Of course, everyone has to make sacrifices during their lifetimes, but there is no reason that women need to set aside everything that makes them unique in order to have a man put a ring on her finger. Fortunately, even among the usual comments praising my least favorite blogger for her assertions, I found plenty of other women who objected to the restrictions laid out in her blog post. Here are a few of my favorites.

  • 9/11/18: “Sometimes God’s plan doesn’t include marriage or it’s not in the time frame of early 20s. I’m certain that God wouldn’t advocate for simply marrying someone just to stay home and not be in the workforce, instead of waiting on God’s best. You can’t claim to speak for God and say that everyone who’s not married is simply seeking their own way…God designed us with different gifts and talents, hence there is no cookie cutter age for a life plan of marriage.”
  • 9/13/18: “If your only message as an older women is to tell younger women their only calling is to serve a husband and bear children than you’re putting your own God in a box. What he calls a woman to do is between Him and her.”
  • 10/1/18: “Only God can tell an individual what His will is for them, so nobody can possibly know what God has planned for someone else’s life. Not all women are called to the same thing. God does not call every woman to marriage and kids, and I can definitely see how it would be off-putting to many women for you to say that you know exactly what God wants them to do with their lives. You can’t know God’s will for anyone but yourself.”

Luckily I know that my least favorite blogger has no way to enforce her beliefs upon every woman of childbearing age. Ladies who disagree with her can rest assured that they won’t be locked inside their homes with only a mop and bucket to pass the time. Nothing can force them to use their brains only for keeping their houses clean and their husbands happy. In this day and age females have nearly limitless options so never let anyone tell you otherwise!